Pandering to the Idolatrous

In what may be his most un-Presidential move yet, Obama will appear on the April 21 episode of American Idol. Here's the song I think the strawman should sing:

I would nix it with the grovel,
Not let friendships unrovel,
I'd know who was untrue.
And I wouldn't be verbose-y
Or leave things to Ms. Pelosi
If I only had a clue.

I'd stand up to Ayatollahs.
Not pass things holus-bolus
As I am wont to do.
Bad ideas I won't be heedin'--
Turn the U.S. into Sweden--
If I only had a clue.

Oh I could tell you why
Some Muslims hate us bad.
I would tell you that it's all about jihad,
And how it kind of drives 'em mad.

I would not be such a weenie
Or try to be Houdini,
A magician through and through.
And you know it won't be moi who
Put the screws to Netanyahu
If I only had a clue.