Trolling for Concubines (Hey, Wasn't That a Michael Moore Flick?)

Here are two very different approaches to the issue of the horny married male. In the West, one can go the Congressman Weiner route and "sext" one's dingdong to some chicks. That approach will net you a frisson for your "naughtiness," but it may not give you the full release you're seeking. In the Islamic East, however, they long ago figured out how to take care of Weiner-style crotch itch--by going to market and buying an infidelle to be your sex slave. I know, I know-- it sounds old-fashioned, but trust me, it's still au courant in some quarters. A woman "activist" in Kuwait has looked into it, and thinks it's the way to go:

The Kuwaiti female activist begins by insisting that “it’s of course true” that “the prophet of Islam legitimized sex-slavery.” She recounts how when she was in Mecca, Islam’s holiest city, she asked various sheikhs and muftis (learned, authoritative Muslims) about the legality of sex-slavery according to Sharia: they all confirmed it to be perfectly legal; Kuwaiti ulema further pointed out that extra “virile” men—Western synonyms include “sex-crazed,” “lecherous,” “perverted”—would do well to purchase sex-slaves to sate their appetites without sinning.

Sate your appetite without sinning--why, it's like having you own 72 virgins here on Earth, no sexting required!