Bernie Knocked But Voters Balked

Wannabe politician Bernie Farber parlays his election failure into an "amusing" piece in the Toronto Star. Bernie 'splains that when he was getting started, he was advised that if he wanted to get elected he'd better get out there and "knock on doors"--advice he followed to the letter:

It was mid-June when, with some apprehension, I climbed the steps of the first Thornhill home I would canvass. Knock, knock. “Good evening ma’am,” I managed with a brave smile, “I’m Bernie Farber, your Thornhill Liberal candidate for the upcoming provincial election in October.” The words barely left my mouth when the kindly looking neighbour at the door turned her back and, with nary a word, closed it firmly in my face. “Great start,” I thought.

Others were less kind. “Some candidate you are,” sniped one. “I voted a few weeks ago and it wasn’t for you!” This gentleman was convinced I was running in the federal election, held in May, and no explanation would suffice.

One sunny and very hot July day, with beads of sweat cascading down my face, I came upon a young man covered head to toe in tattoos, hair falling to his waist, tinkering with his 1980 Harley Davidson Wide-Glide. He offered me a cold “brewski” while extolling the virtues of his V-2, four stroke, dual disc front braked, 290KG cycle. I probably spent too much time chatting with him, but during the advance polls two months later, I ran into my bike-riding friend while canvassing again in his area.

He made it a point to assure me that he’d voted for the first time in his life, and had cast his ballot for me — because I’d loved his bike.

In one densely populated apartment building, a door was answered by a robust gentleman whose family, I learned, was about to celebrate his 105th birthday. “And don’t worry,” his granddaughter reassured me, “he’s voted Liberal since the day he arrived from Italy. You can thank Pierre Trudeau for that.”

Well, I think we've identified Bernie's voter demographic: bikers and senescent ethnics. No wonder he lost in the leafy, suburban climes of Thornhill.