Harpoon Siddiqui Tries to Be Funny But Ends Up Sounding Passive-Agressive

Harpoon Siddiqui shows his contempt for the Gatinueau newcomers' guide (a manual which advises, among other tips, that for the sake of neighbourliness and fitting in immigrants should eschew "honour" killings and cooking "smelly foods") by implanting his acidic tongue firmly in his cheek. At least I think that's what he's doing:

...If “strong odours emanating from cooking” is to be a no-no, the admonition deserves a national audience, I think.

I can’t stand the smell of popcorn, especially the movie theatre variety, with its aroma of industrial strength butter/grease.

I can’t stand places where turkey is being baked, bacon fried, lamb stewed and cabbage boiled. I detour around hot dog stands, and those pouring poutine. Hamburger joints I have not been in for decades, except twice under the compulsion of kids, and emerged promising myself never to return to the smell of those fries.

On Air Canada flights, deprived of the choice of parachuting, I reach for my handkerchief when they start microwaving their foul-smelling little rubber pizzas.

I can cite many more such beefs — individual preferences permitted in a democracy that, mercifully, also prohibits me from inflicting them on others. But I could use a little help from a National Guide of Cooking Odours, in both official languages.

Also, given the Gatineau guide’s aim of reducing “irritants” among citizens, I suggest the following be addressed under “hygiene, cleanliness and quality of life.”

Many Canadians consider dog saliva to be unhygienic, especially when deposited on the hands of drooling dog lovers who then want to shake your hand. Ditto for dog poo in public places, even if picked up by obedient owners. It’s been years since I have been to my neighbourhood playground for walks. And many of us still think that sidewalks are for humans...

So as far as I can tell, he hates kafirs' intrusive smells and doesn't much care for pet dogs. Even in jest, that's perfectly in line with sharia thinking on those subjects.