What's the Best Way to Ensure that Your Daughter Will Likely Require Years and Years of Therapy When She Grows Up?

The best way is the Beyoncé way: insist that she, your drooling, pooping baby, is your "best friend."

She is not your "friend," best or otherwise, B. Friendship is contingent on some sort of commonality--of age, of abilities, of interests, of intelligence--and that cannot possibly apply to the parent-infant relationship.

She's your baby, Beyoncé. Turning her into your "best friend" is a bad idea that puts your own ability to properly parent her into doubt--hence the prediction that she may well need therapy later on to help fix the mess you're getting in on the ground floor of today.

Sorry to be so blunt, but it's been my experience that parents who claim their kids--much less their infants--as their "best friends" have problems with boundaries, and are often setting children up for something awful. Something that's not so easy to fix. So knock it off with the "best friend" shtick, girl, before any damage is done.