Weak Leak

Thomas L. Friedman "imagines"  a WikiLeak written by a diplomat from China re the U.S. (a leak that could never be because WikiLeaker Julian Assange isn't interested in exposing what the non-free world is up to):

There is a willful self-destructiveness in the air here as if America has all the time and money in the world for petty politics. They fight over things like — we are not making this up — how and where an airport security officer can touch them. They are fighting — we are happy to report — over the latest nuclear arms reduction treaty with Russia. It seems as if the Republicans are so interested in weakening President Obama that they are going to scuttle a treaty that would have fostered closer U.S.-Russian cooperation on issues like Iran. And since anything that brings Russia and America closer could end up isolating us, we are grateful to Senator Jon Kyl of Arizona for putting our interests ahead of America’s and blocking Senate ratification of the treaty. The ambassador has invited Senator Kyl and his wife for dinner at Mr. Kao’s Chinese restaurant to praise him for his steadfastness in protecting America’s (read: our) interests.

Americans just had what they call an “election.” Best we could tell it involved one congressman trying to raise more money than the other (all from businesses they are supposed to be regulating) so he could tell bigger lies on TV more often about the other guy before the other guy could do it to him. This leaves us relieved. It means America will do nothing serious to fix its structural problems: a ballooning deficit, declining educational performance, crumbling infrastructure and diminished immigration of new talent.

Ah, yes. If only America were more like China. If only its citizenry didn't squawk and balk at their privates being diddled by some hack airport security official. If only there weren't what they call "elections" and the government/elites could get to "fix" everything without having to consider what the hoi poi had to say about it.

That would be sheer bliss, eh, Tom?

Update: I prefer this "imagining"--the WikiLeaks as condensed and explained by dolphins:

Berlusconi likes girls.

Sarkozy likes himself.

Angela Merkel is boring.

David Cameron is more boring.

Hillary thinks Cristina needs a shrink.

Benjamin Netanyahu can’t stand Ehud Olmert.

Al Qaeda hates America.

Yemen’s president hates Al Qaeda

Ahmadinejad is Hitler

North Korea likes Iran.

Saudi Arabia hates Iran

Julian Assange is Dennis Kucinich.

PFC Manning will never see the sun again.

America needs a new president.