This Just In--SpongeBob SquarePants Harmful to Moppets' Brains

I dunno. My kid went through a prolonged SpongeBob phase, and it doesn't seem to have done him any harm. That said--

Breaking news from 1999: Scientists have discovered that SpongeBob SquarePants — a well-dressed undersea schizophrenic who works as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab — is bad for your children. So say a group of well-trained researchers at the University of Virginia, who published their findings in the journal Pediatrics. The study measured “executive function” — the ability to stay on one task without being distracted — in preschool-aged children.

As I said, it didn't hurt my kid. In fact, at the same time that he was captivated by SpongeBob--a sort of antic, animated, invertebrate Groucho Marx--he would spend hours building stuff out of LEGO (things from a kit; things he created). Then again, SpongeBob did do awful things to my brain: It drove me crazy and affected my ability to stay on one task (specifically, that of watching a Sponge Bob 'toon) without being distracted.