What's the Buzz? "Of Course" "Zionist" Mosquitoes are Wreaking Havoc, Dengue Fever, in Pakistan

At first I thought that this, an over-the-top rant about Zionist entomological malfeasance penned by a blogger associated with a Pakistan newspaper, was written in a tongue-in-cheek, Swiftian/Onion-y vein. Unfortunately--but hilariously--the bloke who wrote it appears to be in utter earnest. I think. Or maybe not:

I am assuming most of you have already realized what is causing the massive outbreak of dengue fever in Pakistan. According to a number of confirmed resources, the mosquitoes that are causing dengue have been deliberately engineered with the nefarious virus. After they were infected with the virus, they were inducted into Pakistani airspace where they wrecked havoc. And who, of all, could have inflicted such damage upon us? Of course the Zionists!

They have long been jealous of our economic and social progress, not to mention the political stability, the unparalleled research centers and one of the highest literacy rates around the world. When they couldn’t disrupt us through riots and by bribing people to become Taliban (yes, they were the ones who did this) they have finally decided to unleash a biological weapon.

If you doubt this, that indicates weakness of faith. We have substantial evidence that such weapons have been used by Zionists even in the past. Remember the floods? Last year, when Pakistan was about to make a leap in economic progress (or was it social or political? Can’t remember, never mind), floods hit Pakistan! I mean, isn’t it obvious? The timing of the tide and the fact that it killed so many of our Muslim brothers and took away their lands and property – it has Zionists hands all over it!

Besides, they have the HAARP technology that can turn day into night and vice versa. And cloudy weathers into dangerous storms. And vice versa. And twilight into dawn and evening into night (um…maybe the last part happens on its own). Some researchers also argue that the deceptive behavior of the moon on the eve of Eid (like this year Saudi Arabia saw a moon that was not even there. But how can they make a mistake?) may also be a manipulation of the HAARP technology, meant obviously at deepening the fissures in the exemplary unity of Muslim Ummah.

Although a notable singer (read scholar…ok don’t), had a minor disagreement with others when he said that the flood was actually an azaab from God and not a Zionist conspiracy, it had me a little mixed up – so what was it. A sign from God or a Zionist conspiracy – or worse still, both, which meant that God was siding with the Zionists this time. Fiery words were exchanged between proponents of each side. Anti-Zionists finally discovered that the scholar was a RAW-agent-in-disguise and said that he should be stoned to death; whereas the scholar passed the verdict that these anti-Zionists were committing blasphemy by pinning God’s deeds on Zionists and thus should be killed publicly by anyone willing (he also mentioned that the one to do so will immediately get a one-way ticket to heaven.)

The conspiracies of our enemies don’t end here. A friend recently revealed that the Arab Spring, the bulk of anti-government movements that have surfaced around the Arab world, is actually according to Zionist agendas. It is meant to pave the way for Greater Israel. In fact, Gaddafi had been forced by the Zionists to leave his throne and the people we saw on the streets in videos and on TV have been created by a highly sophisticated video-editing technology. Doubts have been raised as to whether it’s the same technology that was used in the famous ‘fake’ video against a very pious televangelist or an advanced version of it.

Coming back to the matter at hand, the dengue virus has gone out of control. A constant reinforcement of infidel mosquitoes from across the border has rendered it virtually impossible for the government to contain it. The gear these mosquitoes are wearing has been specially imported from Israel which makes them more resistant to the local climate and therefore, more lethal... 

Wow, are we ever diabolically powerful! That said, for a deranged piece of conspiracist claptrap incorporating both Zionhass and magical thinking--or even for satire, if that's indeed what this is--that was really rather enjoyable.

Zebulon, the all-powerful Jewsquito, gives his fellow Dengue Fever-carrying
 swarn the super-secret Zionist hand signal