"Human Emissions" and Other Hot Air

According to some new study, unnamed "scientists" are attributing "extreme weather" to "global warming" (even though there has been no discernible elevation in temperature since other, ahem, "scientists" told us all to fear the effects of Y2K):

A 1995 heat wave in Chicago killed hundreds of people, and a 2003 heat wave in Europe killed an estimated 70,000.  

Scientists believe that both were made more likely by the human emissions that are warming the planet, and heat on that scale will become commonplace if emissions are allowed to continue unabated. For now, though, such heat extremes — Chicago temperatures were near or above 100 degrees for four days running that July — are still rare, which makes them difficult to study in a statistical sense.

But which makes them very easy to study in the satirical sense (because the idea that these extremes aren't actually occurring but that "human emissions" will be responsible for them if and when they occur is not only satirical, it's surreal).

Also--I expect to hear that "human emissions" are behind the earthquake in Nepal, and when I do I will point out that there are forces beyond the control of humankind, ones which not even a UN-and-Obama-decreed need to redistribute the West's wealth can do anything about.