Très Flaky

Kanye West, who, along with his baby mama decamped to Paris for a time while their bun was in the oven, has affronted French bakers. His offence: a couplet (if you can call it that) from a track on his latest album. The album is called "Yeezus," and the track is called "I am A God"--which, if you ask me, is far more offensive than “In a French-ass restaurant / Hurry up with my damn croissants!,” the lines that made the bakers burn:

The humor was not as obvious across the Atlantic. Recently, the Association of French Bakers issued an open letter to “Monsieur Kanye West,” signed by Bernard Aydelotte on behalf of “bakers across France, many of whom have taken great offense at this particular rhyming couplet.” Aydelotte writes:

Certainly, you are not a man to be satisfied with pre-made croissants from the baked goods case reheated and tossed out on a small platter. No—you had demanded your croissants freshly baked, to be delivered to your table straight out of the oven piping hot.

And it was with great joy you ordered croissants—not crêpes or brioches—because only croissants can proudly claim that exquisite combination of flaky crust and a succulent center. The croissant is dignified—not vulgar like a piece of toast, simply popped into a mechanical device to be browned. No—the croissant is born of tender care and craftsmanship. Bakers must carefully layer the dough, paint on perfect proportions of butter, and then roll and fold this trembling croissant embryo with the precision of a Japanese origami master. 

This process, as you can understand, takes much time...

Though not, of course, as long as nine months.