Channeling Barack Hussein Obama, P.J. O'Rourke conjures up this POTUS's response to some famous scenes of history:
Chief Executive of Sparta,
Barack Leonidas Obama,
at the Battle of ThermopylaeStand down, men. The chairman of the Greek City States Alliance Joint Chiefs of Staff has indicated to me that our capacity to execute this mission against Xerxes is not time-sensitive.
Julius Barack Caesar Obama
Crosses the Rubicon
I am crossing the Rubicon. Brrr, the water’s chilly. Deep, too. I’m going for a walk along the riverbank to look for a bridge. And I will cross the Rubicon as soon as the weather warms up. The die has been cast. That is, the deck has been shuffled. Or the Wheel of Fortune has been spun. And I’ll buy a vowel.
Pontius Barack Pilate Obama,
Matthew 27:24
When he saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, “I am innocent of the blood of these just persons, but I’ll ask the Senate back in Rome for authority to do something-or-other, although it may have to wait until after Good Friday.”
Christopher Barack Columbus Obama
Many prominent experts, including Thomas Friedman of the New York Times, maintain that the earth is flat. This is a debate I would like to have. Meanwhile, I have discovered a new route to France.
Shakespeare’s Henry Barack V,
Act IV, Scene iii
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart. So I’m out of here.
[exit muttering]
We few, we very few, we hardly any...
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