Headless Dolls and Beardless Dogs or 'Fun' in Saudi Arabia

The recent 'Burka Barbie' controversy sparked as much mirth as it did alarm, but someone who's spent time living in the Magic Kingdom writes (in FrontPage Magazine) that, were the Mattel icon to wash up on Saudi shores, the chick sack wouldn't prevent her pretty little head from being detached from from her bizarrely proportioned torso. It's all part of life in wacky Wahhabiland, which ain't exactly a hoot and a half :

...My first experience with Sharia Law occurred more than a decade ago, shortly after I had deplaned from the British Airways 777 that deposited me in Jiddah, Saudi Arabia, in the course of a consulting project involving the Kingdom’s oil industry. Waiting to pass through customs, I observed a Saudi soldier swinging a machete, casually decapitating a score of Kewpie dolls that an unsuspecting westerner had tried to bring into the country. The torsos were returned to the traveler and the heads were dumped in the trash, all in accordance with Sharia Law. As a “how do you do?” there are better ways to make a first impression.

But Sharia Law prohibits any representation of the human form, and it is quite strict about depicting Allah’s other creations among the animal kingdom as well. Fish seem to be exempt from this prohibition, for reasons that I still do not completely understand. In any case, Islam also assumes that portraying mythical creatures, from golden idols to Kewpie people, might tempt gullible believers away from the true path. Thus it is entirely logical – under Sharia Law – to separate the head of a Kewpie doll from its shoulders with extreme prejudice.

That fact made the recent appearance of Burka Barbie all the more amusing to those westerners in the know. If Mattel were to ship a case of these dolls to a nation living under Sharia Law, Muslim girls would be allowed to play with them, or at least part of them, but only after Barbie’s cranium was separated from her shoulders.

Religious police prowl the streets of Saudi Arabia, as they do in most Muslim nations, looking for those who dare to resist the will of Allah, as that will was recorded by his prophet/stenographer Muhammad. The religious police in the Kingdom come in both the official and unofficial variety, the latter mostly composed of elderly male busybodies who revel in the opportunity to harass a western woman daring to wear a dress whose sleeves leave a portion of her forearms shamelessly exposed. These amateur versions of Bharney bin Fife are, not surprisingly, even more fanatic about their mission than their professional counterparts.

During one of my stints in Saudi Arabia, an American woman was arrested by the religious police while walking her dog, a Scotch Terrier. The Scotch Terrier is distinctive in its appearance, with a face that features a long chin beard. Long chin beards are also a requirement for Muslim males living under Sharia Law. Put these two facts together and the unavoidable Sharia legal conclusion is that the Terrier’s beard must go, lest it serve to mock the sacred traditions of Islam. Thus this unfortunate American woman was compelled to bring her pooch in for an appointment with one of Allah’s barbers.

It’s patently obvious that any religion concerned about the threats to it posed by dolls and dogs has some serious self-esteem issues...

To say the least.