Saturday, March 6, 2010

Announcing New DHS "Security Enhancements"

Janet Nincompoopitano's DHS is delighted to announce that, thanks to new equipment that can scan concealed private parts, American air travelers are now safer than ever:
Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Janet Napolitano today announced the first 11 airports to receive advanced imaging technology (AIT) units purchased with American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA) funds—strengthening security at airports throughout the country while boosting local economies.
“By accelerating the deployment of this technology, we are enhancing our capability to detect and disrupt threats of terrorism across the nation,” said Secretary Napolitano. “These 11 airports will be the first of many to receive this enhanced technology as a result of the Recovery Act.”

Based on security and operational needs, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) will deploy AIT units to the following airports:
•Boston Logan International (BOS)

•Charlotte Douglas International (CLT)
•Chicago O’Hare International (ORD)
•Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky International (CVG)
•Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International (FFL)
•Kansas City International (MCI)
•Los Angeles International (LAX)
•Mineta San JosĂ© International (SJC)
•Oakland International (OAK)
•Port Columbus International (CMH)
•San Diego International (SAN)
AIT units are being installed today at Boston Logan International airport, and within the coming week at Chicago O’Hare International airport, followed by full deployment of the ARRA-funded technology at the remainder of the 11 airports by Summer 2010. All airports receiving ARRA-funded AIT units, except Los Angeles International, are receiving this technology for the first time.

Additional airports will be announced in the near future. Many factors are taken into consideration before AIT units are deployed including airport readiness, checkpoint infrastructure, and capacity to ensure privacy protections—including a separate, remotely located room for viewing images.

Advanced imaging technology is designed to bolster security by safely screening passengers for metallic and non-metallic threats—including weapons, explosives and other objects concealed under layers of clothing. The ARRA-funded machines will include the latest security enhancements to detect new and evolving threats...
Well, it sounds like Janet (who, BTW, is one silver-tongued chick: that line about "accelerating the deployment" and "enhancing our capability"--now, that's a keeper) and her crack team of security enforcers have the situation well in hand. Oh, except for the minor detail about Muslims declining to submit to the full body scan because it violates Islamic rules about modesty. But I'm sure everything will work out fine if devout Muslims get in the line for the rigorous pat down while the, er, latest security enhancements are reserved for everyone else.

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