Monday, November 2, 2015

Grouse: The Conservative Election Loss Musical

Grouse is the word--indeed. Here are three selections from the hit show:

1. Prime Minister-elect Justin Trudeau sings (to the tune of "Summer Nights"):

Autumn loving, got me a gig.
Autumn loving, it's really big.
Won the day quite handily.
All the kids are crazy for me.
Autumn fights, punched out their lights,
So hello to prime minister days.
Well-a well-a well-a huh
Tell you more, tell you more--
I'm in over my head.
Tell you more, tell you more--
And I'm riddled with dread.
First big problem:
Those "refugees."
My solution: let 'em in, please.
They'll be grateful; they'll vote for me.
Multiculti's as sweet as can be.
Autumn fights full of delights
But oh, oh, prime minister days.
Tell you more, tell you more--
I think papa'd approve.
Tell you more, tell you more--
Think I'll get in his groove.
Shoo-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop, shoo-bop-bop
Shoo-bop-bop shoo-bop-bop shoo-bop-bop YEAH!

I'll get busy, halt "climate change."
"Cap and trade"--not hard to arrange.
Kathleen Wynne, she showed me the way.
Her M.O.'s a go, as they say.
Naomi Klein: the name sounds divine
For all my prime minister days...

2. The Harper-hating media pundits sing (to the tune of "Beauty School Dropout"):

H of C* dropout,
No 'lection victory for you.
H of C dropout,
You are so cold and nasty, too.
Well, you know we did out best
To make you look like a dictator.
And it seemed to do the trick--
Buh bye, so long and catch you later!
Harper get moving
Out of that house on Sussex Drive.
Can't say we'll miss you:
You kept our HDS** alive.
Your agenda will stay hidden
As we blow smoke Justin's way
And go easy on the lad most ev'ry day!...

*House of Commons
** Harper Derangement Syndrome

3. Justin Trudeau sings (to the tune of "Look At Me, I'm Sandra Dee") :

Look at me,
I'm Justin T.
Lousy with sincerity.
Transform the land;
Heed Pierre's son's command.
You need me, Justin T.!
"Real change": hey, that's Justin's way.
Like Obama-lite, they say.
I love to give 'cuz I'm so "progressive"--
That's me, I'm Justin T.
I don't read (no),
Or think (no),
Don't worry at all,
And nothing gets stuck in my craw.
I memorize lines
And I always look fine
And they fell for my je-ne-sais-quoi.
As for you, that Harper crew,
I know what you tried to do.
We won the fight
(Libs rule by divine right
And I'm "dauphin," Justin T).
Iggy, Iggy, they picked me!
Alas, you were charisma-free.
I kept my cool
So don't call me a fool.
Hey, fongool, I'm Justin T.!

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