Monday, April 12, 2010

Commissar Heather MacNaughton Wants You!

Love power? Looking for employment? Willing to relocate to beautiful British Columbia? Well, then, do I have the job for you--a spot on the B.C. Roobunal.

Your powers? Well, as a Member of this august body, you will have the

authority to preside over hearings of complaints that fall within the Tribunal’s jurisdiction. The Member must ensure that hearings are conducted and determined in accordance with relevant statute law, the principles established by human rights tribunals and all levels of Canadian Courts, and the rules of natural justice and fairness.
You must promise, though, to adapt

established human rights principles to novel situations, as required. Such decisions advance the law by addressing issues for which there is no legal precedent.
As a 'roo, you will get to control

the process of hearings to which (you) have been designated

which includes deciding who gets to appear, as well as all procedural matters; in other words, you pretty much get to wing it and make up new rules each and every time.

Now, here's where it gets really fun--your ability to

order general damages for injury to self-esteem, compensation for proven wage loss or other pecuniary losses to an unlimited amount and/or reinstatement of an employee.
Yes, that's right. When it comes to penalizing "human rights" scofflaws, the sky's the limit. Here's hoping you take the job seriously, though, and don't let all that power go to your head because your decisions

may have a significant impact on the quality of life of a complainant and/or the management or personnel practices of a respondent.
You can say that again. In fact, you might be able to bloody well bankrupt a fellow. Just ask Mr. Ismail the Vancouver comedy club owner, who's been put through the B.C. 'roo wringer, and lost oodles of cash in the process.


Revnant Dream said...

You sure they didnt ask for people with a back ground in blackmail, larceny, or being a ConMan/ConWomen?

Jesse Ferreras said...

I already called it!